She was really, really into manners, and as kind of an act of gratitude, not in an uptight, British way, but as a Look at us eating a meal together, like, Nobody should eat before the last person gets down. To learn more about Tell Me More: Stories about the 12 Things Im Learning to Say, click here. Join New York Times bestselling author Kelly Corrigan as she choreographs big-ideas conversations with some of the creative thinkers and artists who define our time. She has been called the voice of her generation and the poet laureate of the ordinary, and she is the most perfect person to talk to to kick us off because her lovely new book is called Tell Me More, and Tell me more is one of those phrases she uses, phrases that she writes about that help guide her through relationships, and parenting, and grief. Our guest is Kelly Corrigan, a best-selling author and host of PBS talk show Tell Me More and podcast Kelly Corrigan Wonders. She reflects on her love and loss through ordinary moments and everyday sayings. Thats where relationship lives is in these tiny moments, and whether you are cognizant of that and tuned into that channel all the time, or not, that is the story of a relationship. Thats like total vanity but, especially with the kids, I definitely think, Edward and I both think, If you let us run this out for you, well get it done like one, two, three, and thats so humiliating, and degrading, and just the opposite of self-esteem building, which is sort of like the ground we walk on as adults. You might actually give somebody a chance to discover whats really bothering them, and in that discovery they might find their own solution, but the fact is that if you can bite your stupid tongue, and get over yourself, and just keep eliciting their whole story, then the next thing you know, their mood is changing, and theyre feeling more solution-oriented, and then they get the buzz of solving the problem. Shed do dishes all day and into the night to just get to listen to her children, just to get to watch them through a one-way glass, you know? Team Everything Happens. Im Kate Bowler, and this is Everything Happens. Its a sin, its hell. How does change actually happen? Enjoy an intimate and heartfelt interview series hosted by author Kelly Corrigan.MoreMore. Alex, Kelly Corrigan:You know, that I had lost his favor for a moment, and I was just so ashamed. The Best Show is the best live podcast you're ever gonna hear! I go, Oh, thank you for that bit of suggestion.. Kelly Corrigan Wonders: Kelly's Gratitude List on Apple Podcasts Kelly Corrigan:Its like a game changer. She plans to give it to her daughter, who graduates from high school in June.. Jan, Labels like chronic illness, or caregiver, or widow, or mom of a kid with special needs. Kate Bowler:Wow, and thats a big word. Kate Bowler:Today, I get a chance to talk to Kelly about some of her very best phrases. I had to make it into a vest to remove it from my body with the tag still on it, you know? Kate Bowler:Well I think part of it, and this gets to another phrase that you write about which is I dont know, but you and I, it sounds like, have given up on certainties as a way to cope with that, both having been through cancer, and also I think both realizing that people really dont like it when you say, I dont know.. An Evening with Kelly Corrigan EVENT PAGE - Lightways Kate Bowler:Oh friend. Team Everything Happens, Kate, Leave a review on Apple Podcasts. 5:55. She reflects on her love and loss through ordinary moments and everyday sayings. I was also living only maybe 10 miles from my very old grandma who lived alone, and I kept kind of meaning to go visit her, but its a lot easier to show up at work every day at the United Way, and get kind of righteous about all the people who work for money versus the rest of us who are working for the greater good, than it is to go to your grandmas smelly, weird apartment, and have weird conversations with an 88-year old, you know? Maybe I dont have to be good, but I can try to be least a little better then Ive been so far., Riham:Our family motto is Allah Kareem. Read more on this here. Teri Rose wrote this loving remembrance of her son Ryland. Kelly Corrigan:Theyre never going to not do that, and thats how theyre going to raise their kids, and that means shes still here. You understand what you did wrong., Kelly Corrigan:So to me, that felt very different than saying, Im sorry. Enjoy an intimate and heartfelt interview series hosted by author Kelly Corrigan. Were just a series of days and interactions. 'Think Twice' podcast examines Michael Jackson's legacy : NPR Minds dont rest. Thanks For Being Here Remembering Ryland. All moments, days, chapters are transitory and the good ones leave us as do the bad ones. Kelly Corrigan:Hearts dont idle. I mean, I dont know why you went with, Everything Happens for a Reason, because Dont get crumbs on the baby, that could be the follow up. Kelly Corrigan:Like, almost every time Im sure that if you just let me take over, I can make this problem go away. For the Love Podcast - Jen Hatmaker The ambiguity is quite isolating. Like the other day when I was being wheeled into a procedure, the nurse looked at my chart, and then casually said, Colon cancer. So, I grew up with this sentence with my fathers voice in my head saying, Allah Kareem, God is generous., Cheryl:Our family motto is, Dont eat a hamster. Kate Bowler:So, todays conversation is about developing language to move us forward when life is well, chronic. I was in a big, big rush to get in front of him, and say my apology, and be returned to a state of grace, but the fact is that his mom died. Kelly Corrigan:Thats not a headline anybody wants to read. I dont know, but a whole new world of possibilities exist right now that did not exist an hour and 10 minutes ago, and I think that is so cool, and real, and exciting. A Way to Make Work More Meaningful (The Science of Kelly Corrigan:You dont always need such a plan, or an agenda, or whatever. Kate Bowler:You put in a strong argument, if I may say it like that, for just being close to one another. Kate Bowler:Words matter. Kelly Corrigan:So, my dad died in February, and then my friend Liz, whos the mother of three kids, 8, 10, and 12 at the time, died that December. Adjust the colors to reduce glare and give your eyes a break. Then the ocean with its waves so vast, impossible to touch bottom, then a maze, then a mountain, then seasons, a natural disaster. Make the magic happen. We should thank the chef. Youre going to slide around, you know, youre going to deserve your life a little more some days than others. Kelly Corrigan:My instinct is to fix, cause I feel Im almost sure I can. Maya Shankar and Kelly Corrigan in Lafayette, CA. This forgetting, this slide into smallness, this irritability in shame, this disorienting grief Its like this. So Kelly, welcome. Read more about this episode, and get show notes, here. Kate Bowler:Yeah. Team Everything Happens. Inspiring and thought-provoking interviews conducted by author Kelly Corrigan. This forgetting, this slide into smallness, this irritability in shame, this disorienting grief Its like this. Kelly Corrigan:So, I had to wait, and then finally we had a window, and I said, I was wrong. Mary Hope wrote this thoughtful, open-hearted letter to her community to introduce her son Alex - who had previously been known to all as Jenna, her daughter. Kelly Corrigan:Yeah. Thanks very much for all you do. Playlist. I was wrong not to try to know her, and I could just see it in his face that it was like, Okay, you understand. Kate Bowler:Yeah. I mean, I remember thinking, when I wasnt sure, when I was in an especially tough moment of illness, every time I would look at Zachs nails I would think, Is this what wouldve happened if I hadnt been here to do this? Kelly Corrigan:My friend Andy Lotts, who is Lizs husband, told me about it, cause hes a mom now, and so we talk mom talk. So, Dont eat a hamster is our version of Dont jump to conclusions.. So much of what you both say resonates for me. Kelly Corrigan Wonders on RadioPublic Click here for discussion questions for this podcast episode. Like, Today could be this day, well, you know, today I met you, now were friends, and who knows whats going to happen now? Theres meatless Mondays, and theres a kombucha bar, and theres nap pods. Today, were sharing this letter which Mary Hope wrote to officially introduce Alex because we find the kindness, transparency and unconditional love in it to be so inspiring. Kelly Corrigan:So, I say at the end of this chapter, Shouldnt loss change a person for the better? That kind of belonging is transcendent, and you just feel it pop up in these little moments. Can we trust our gut? Kate Bowler:Theres this other phrase, I was wrong, that has real power, and you learned that in a really intense way when your grandma died. Kelly Corrigan:So, I just really went bananas, because on top of the shirt problem, I went downstairs to clean the kitchen, and I found everybodys bowls, and spoons, and cups, and I had that reaction that so many women have, which is, Well I guess Im the least busy. I mean, maybe I was projecting, maybe whatever he said in that moment, maybe if he had said peanut butter, and jelly, wed be talking about peanut butter and jelly, but it totally resonated for me in the way that a song lyric does where youre like, I dont know what that means exactly, but Im going to write that down, and put it in my wallet, and its interesting. You cant only experience deep gratitude at the toenails that you seriously wish someone else would have cut, because seriously, whos doing this around here? I was in a big, big rush to get in front of him, and say my apology, and be returned to a state of grace, but the fact is that his mom died. Find me online at @KateCBowler, and Id love to hear what you think of this episode. Kelly Corrigan:Have you ever heard that potted plant theory? We were living in Damascus, Syria, and whenever one of us asked for something Mom and Dad couldnt afford, Dad would say Allah Kareem. In Arabic, Allah means God. Embed. The reach of language can be laughable.. I have watched every episode on PBS and cannot get enough of the show Mrs Corrigan!!! Thats where its at. Kate Bowler:Yeah, I believe you. Such is a reminder that success is the result of joined efforts and that all of us are touched by the ripples of others contributions. Despair defies description. Tell Me More with Kelly Corrigan | Maya Shankar | Season 5 | Episode 4 Find me online at @KateCBowler, and Id love to hear what you think of this episode. This is an amazing story. Being a runner, this has always been meaningful for me. Kate Bowler:I dont think Ill like it, but I will think of you when I do it. Kelly Corrigan:Yeah. Kelly Corrigan Full Transcript - Kate Bowler Everything Happens with Kate Bowler Kelly Corrigan: Tell Me More 30 00:00:00 30 Read more about this episode, and get show notes, here. Labels like chronic illness, or caregiver, or widow, or mom of a kid with special needs. Shed do anything. Today, Im speaking with New York Times bestselling author, Kelly Corrigan. Kelly Corrigan:Yeah. Our family motto is, We dont sell family. When our dog was a puppy and being housebroken, he kept sneaking around piddling in the corners of rooms. Ill read you a little bit from the very end of that chapter because the thing that he was saying I think is, This is how it goes.. On days when I feel overwhelmed, I tell myself all I need to do is maintain the faith and exit with grace. So, maybe when life is chronic, we all need some sayings to anchor us, our very own mottos that guide us through. Kate Bowler:Yeah, the indignity. One is called Yesterday and the other is called Tomorrow. Everything Happens : NPR It was the very last thing that I wrote, and you may be able to relate to this, theres always one part of a book that writes itself, at least for me, where its like, I guess Ive been thinking about this long enough, I guess Ive been living this long enough that its all kind of been subconsciously forming, and now Im just about taking dictation here, and thats the way that was. I was wrong not to try to know her, and I could just see it in his face that it was like, Okay, you understand. A former newspaper columnist and four time bestselling author, Kelly wonders about loads of stuff: is knowing more always good? Thank you for helping me think more deeply about my words; not just the words I speak to others but the words I speak to myself. Tell Me More with Kelly Corrigan | PBS Kelly Corrigan:So, she had to call someone and ask them to come over and zip her dress so she could go to the wedding. I went to see her one time. Mahra:Ive been singing these lines from a song by the Avett Brothers to my kids for years, and it goes like this. Hosted by four-time New York Times bestselling author Kelly Corrigan, the show dives deep into each guests life to pull out poignant lessons they hope others can use to find their own calling or better understand themselves. Kate Bowler:Oh friend. Whos going to do this? Kate Bowler:You and I are super chatty people, but you make an amazing pitch for silence, and I am all for it, because everyone always had these go-to things to say with me like, You can do it, or Youre so brave, and all the things that made me feel like I was on the other side of plexiglass. So, todays conversation is about developing language to move us forward when life is well, chronic. Kate Bowler:Absolutely. Kelly Corrigan:Im telling you what, man, you can not believe how much I use this, and you can not believe how still it is not my natural instinct. Gratefully, We had several hamsters in one cage, and they can be cannibalistic, and one morning a hamster was missing, and another hamster had a suspiciously large tummy. Thanks for the rebellion and the reminder that we as women take up space, take risks, and even make mistakes! You wrote about the end of words. It was because I had been selfish, and my dad caught me. I think we should be talking about five percent of the time. Its these seemingly trivial moments. I mean, maybe I was projecting, maybe whatever he said in that moment, maybe if he had said peanut butter, and jelly, wed be talking about peanut butter and jelly, but it totally resonated for me in the way that a song lyric does where youre like, I dont know what that means exactly, but Im going to write that down, and put it in my wallet, and its interesting. In, warm, insightful, often funny conversations, Kate talks with people about what they've. I end up saying to my therapy clients, to my friends, and to my daughter both Change is hard and the stage-specific version of CIH, Middles are awful. Middles are awful: we have to either find language for an ambiguous state or give up on finding it: hard, sweaty work. (To be fair, Ive loved all that I have listened to). I think people think that if you have a diagnosis, or somethings happened to you that you should know because youre proof of it. In other words, it could happen to you tomorrow.. My mom called me maybe three months after my dad died. It just came out whole, and of course, to me its the most important and moving chapter in the book for sure. Michael Lewis sends his thanks to Dr. Arthur White, a former history teacher at Isidore Newman School in New Orleans, Louisiana, for kicking him in class whenever hed fall asleep. Ask anyone who has participated in a moment of silence. Kate Bowler:Yeah. Kelly Corrigan:They hate it. I was healthy, and then I was sick, and now Im feeling pretty good, and even though the language around immunotherapy isnt perfect, I can happily say that I am in remission. Kelly Corrigan:Dont get crumbs on the baby. Theres a title. Kelly Corrigan:Yeah. Onwards! Kate Bowler:Yeah, yeah, yeah. For what Ive just seen in the last six months, I should be different. Like, Today could be this day, well, you know, today I met you, now were friends, and who knows whats going to happen now? And Ive talked to a couple of my girlfriends whove gotten divorced, and they say the exact same thing happens to them. Yeah. Kate Bowler:Well, your book has such a wonderful collection of phrases around essays, stuff like Tell me more, and you write about incredible things people can say when theyre figuring out the road ahead. I really appreciate it. If you haven't heard of Father Greg Boyle, let us introduce you: a Jesuit priest who has a touch of Santa Claus in his affect, Greg Boyle has collaborated with thousands of former gang members to build thriving businesses and communities of radical acceptance in East LA. I think thats cause we were always sort of fighting nearby. Kate Bowler:Wow, and thats a big word. Society & Culture English So, I was wondering, would you mind reading that beautiful passage you wrote about after Liz died? Warmly, RELATED LINKS Try this episode's happiness practice: 36 Questions for Increasing Closeness Read Kelly Corrigan's new book, Tell Me More Transcript This is the way this has to be, and its right there. Its completely random. Onward, my dears. Kelly Corrigan:Well you know, sometimes the trivial is tragic. You dont have to bring it all. Kelly Corrigan:And Im getting to walk with them way longer on their road, and I felt this sense that I could never possibly deserve that, that Im not that great a person, or a mom. Maybe you want to borrow one of Kellys like, Its like this, but youre totally welcome to borrow my familys motto: Dont let the turkeys get you down. Its tried and true. My mom called me maybe three months after my dad died. The voice memos at the end of the episode are from listeners like you! For what Ive just seen in the last six months, I should be different. You understand what you did wrong., Kelly Corrigan:So to me, that felt very different than saying, Im sorry. Im so thankful I could be a fly on the wall and listen in on your conversation. Thats where relationship lives is in these tiny moments, and whether you are cognizant of that and tuned into that channel all the time, or not, that is the story of a relationship. Kate, I thoroughly enjoyed your podcast and listening to you both. And you know, it was so weird, but dying was the easier part of it. Thanks For Being Here Mary Hope's Letter Introducing Alex. Its all this cumulative effect of a thousand minuscule moments. As Teri said, He didnt have a drug problem, he had a life problem. Kilpy Kelly Corrigan Wonders | iHeart Having interviewed Christy on her podcast, A Slight Change of Plans, Maya shares her story of being a female firefighter and her difficult decision to eventually prioritize her mental health over her job. I even use it at the end of lectures like, Hey, this is the end of the 19th century. Forever? Kelly Corrigan:I mean, unless youre a monk, and youre meditating for 60 days in a mountain somewhere. Its probably cause of something youve been eating. I was wondering if you could tell me about that. Kate Bowler:Words matter. Shes not going to their wedding, shes not going to pick out wedding dresses with them. Kelly Corrigan:Like, Oh, well we still have sex, so were definitely not going to get a divorce, or you know, Oh my husband doesnt travel, so then were definitely not gonna get a divorce, or you know, I never smoked cigarettes, so Im definitely not going to get breast cancer. Stay healthy. We can remove the first show in the list to add this one. After the potency of the crime metaphor wore off, I turned to the vocabulary of religion. I mean, that was my big experience of your book. I mean, that means shes with them. We look forward to having you join in on future conversations! But the fact is if I said, Tell me more, go on, what else, youd say the next thing, and the next thing, and the next thing, and it would be like the thing behind the thing, behind the thing is where really the pain is, and if I had waited way longer, I wouldve been able to say, Oh, I understand.. Kelly Corrigan, Author - Brief but Spectacular | PBS NewsHour Kelly Corrigan:I didnt die. Ill read you a little bit from the very end of that chapter because the thing that he was saying I think is, This is how it goes.. I dont have the genetic predisposition. She lives in Philly and I live in California. That kind of belonging is transcendent, and you just feel it pop up in these little moments. Dont worry, and she said, Well, my problem is I cant zip my dress by myself, so I thought if it was a woman, I could ask her to come in, and zip my dress, and I thought, Thats the tiny moments that are so gut-wrenching for a new widow. I was also living only maybe 10 miles from my very old grandma who lived alone, and I kept kind of meaning to go visit her, but its a lot easier to show up at work every day at the United Way, and get kind of righteous about all the people who work for money versus the rest of us who are working for the greater good, than it is to go to your grandmas smelly, weird apartment, and have weird conversations with an 88-year old, you know? with Kelly Corrigan When bestselling author Kelly Corrigan experienced the death of her dad and dear friend back-to-back, she couldn't shake the feeling that she wasn't living as gratefully as she wanted to. Copyright 2023 Public Broadcasting Service (PBS), all rights reserved. Kelly Corrigan sits down with Melinda French Gates. Exactly Archives | KQED News Just see who you can bump into out there. The name is a lyric from . I guess everybody here, these children of mine and my husband, are just too damn busy to get on this, but Im not, so Ill do it, and then I was finishing, and I found a little pile of cut toenails on my kitchen table, and that. I really appreciate it. Kilpy You also realized there was incredible parenting magic in the phrase, Tell me more. So, what is this witchcraft you speak of? I didnt make her final days one bit better, and I lived there for two years. Kelly kicks off a new series on BELIEF, delving into topics like the meaning of life, finding purpose, why faith, service and gratitude matter, and more with Dr. MIchael Murray, former Philosophy Professor and current President & CEO of the Arthur Vining Davis Foundations . I guess everybody here, these children of mine and my husband, are just too damn busy to get on this, but Im not, so Ill do it, and then I was finishing, and I found a little pile of cut toenails on my kitchen table, and that. Inspiring and thought-provoking interviews conducted by bestselling author Kelly Corrigan. Kelly Corrigan:So, my husband worked at a startup in San Francisco, which is called Medium, and its a writing platform, and as a writer, I was welcome to come, and use their office space, and its everything you think a San Francisco startup is. Its probably cause of something youve been eating. I think we make life a little more interesting! No one understands what makes a character sing better than Michael Lewis. Kelly Corrigan:So, my husband worked at a startup in San Francisco, which is called Medium, and its a writing platform, and as a writer, I was welcome to come, and use their office space, and its everything you think a San Francisco startup is. She's an author. Kelly has also agreed to be my friend as part of her contractual commitment to this podcast. Kilpy Kelly Corrigan:Thats not a headline anybody wants to read. We had several hamsters in one cage, and they can be cannibalistic, and one morning a hamster was missing, and another hamster had a suspiciously large tummy. So, I really appreciated the way that you framed the bigness and the smallness of it, because it has to be both. You wrote this book in a season of incredible loss. Just do your best. -Kilpy The Big Short, Moneyball, Liars Poker, these stories stand for whole industries because Michael Lewis puts just the right protagonist in the center. Kate Bowler:Yeah. Kelly Corrigan:And it wasnt my turn for his attention. We read and appreciate every comment. Each episode ends with Kellys shortlist of takeaways, appropriate for refrigerator doors, bulletin boards and notes to your children. Claire, Shes not going to hold their babies.. For every graduate from kindergarten to PhDs -- but especially the kids I love your style and all your guests are fascinating to listen to with so much insight and knowledge. Kate Bowler:Todays episode is brought to you by our partners, North Carolina Public Radio WUNC, the Lilly Endowment, The Issachar Fund, The John Templeton Foundation, Faith and Leadership: An Online Learning Resource, and Duke Divinity School, and of course, Beverly Abel, Jessica Richie, and Be the Change Revolutions. Your email address will not be published. Kelly Corrigan:Yeah. She died this morning, and I was just sick to my stomach. I just want to show up and try to be of use. Then cancer hit. P.S. Im grateful for your wisdom in the messy, the uncertain and the in-between. Shes not going to hold their babies.. My son was, of course, distraught and felt the dog was a part of the family and worth the trouble. Kilpy Kate is a young mother, writer and professor who, at age 35, was suddenly diagnosed with Stage IV cancer. Kate Bowler:Getting back to life has been really tricky. Thats my other life mantra. It just ends the tension because what youre saying is, I see it how you see it, and I agree with you. Required fields are marked *. They thrill, and confound, and circle, and overflow, and disappear, because its like this, having a life.. Del Seymour and Kelly Corrigan in Lafayette, CA. Jennifer Garner tells Kelly Corrigan how she inspires others to find their true passions. Kelly Corrigan:So, she had to call someone and ask them to come over and zip her dress so she could go to the wedding. Kellys guest is actress and author Constance Wu - you may know her from her roles in the breakthrough tv show Fresh Off the Boat and the blockbuster film Crazy, Rich Asians. I dont have the genetic predisposition. As many of our listeners know, Kelly has a dear cousin, Kathy, who turns up, one way or another, in all of Kelly's books. I mean, that was my big experience of your book. I didnt engage with her. Its a very learned thing that I have to insert the words into my mouth, and push them out deliberately, because my instinct is to solve. Im so glad youve been plugging in and hope to keep hearing your feedback! Its the only way to keep the last bit of sanity. Thanks so much for your refreshing, poignant, thought-provoking podcast. Wondering if youve come across Bahai writings as I find them inspiring in building a circle of friends, a community and help each other grow together. On Sundays, Kelly records a special podcast called, "Thanks for Being Here" where she reads the toasts and tributes that listeners have submitted about those they love. I mean, people are getting colon cancer at your age all the time. Trust your Gut? with Annie Jean Baptiste - Kelly Corrigan Wonders (podcast) Kate Bowler:Yeah, I believe you. Shed do dishes all day and into the night to just get to listen to her children, just to get to watch them through a one-way glass, you know? Kelly mentions the Potted Plant Theory of Parenting. Kelly Corrigan:But you know, if Im jumping in with my fancy solution two and a half minutes in, I just cut you off, and then we leave each other, and I have this little high like, Ah, I just really helped her, and she walks away thinking, She didnt hear anything I said. Gratefully, Okay, great. Onwards, but you use it so beautifully when youre talking about Lizs family and how they are now. Go get mixed up in something. So, Dont eat a hamster is our version of Dont jump to conclusions.. Ten days before I was scheduled to defend my dissertation, English Policies, Curricular Reform and Teacher Development in Multilingual, Post-colonial Djibouti, I got the call. I rebelled. Shed do anything. Absolutely enjoy these, the wisdom, the calm, the gentle reminder of our true reality and the essentiality of the connections we make and need to survive and help each other. A huge thank you to Mahra (the song she sings is from When I Drink by The Avett Brothers), Riham, and Cheryl who shared their family mottos with us. Your email address will not be published. Phrases like I dont know, I was wrong, and one of my favorites, Its like this. But I asked the doctor what the right term for me might be, and he said Survivor-in-progress, which was super annoying. I mean, people are getting colon cancer at your age all the time. You are everywhere they are., Kelly Corrigan:I really believe that, even though Im skeptical, and Im mad at people who say, Her spirits still here, and stuff. Im like, Yeah, right. Kelly Corrigan:One that Ive always liked is, Things happen when you leave the house. I think I like the sense of theres something out there that you can tap into. Kelly Corrigan:You cant be in the world, and get through your to-do list, and also sit in endless, rich gratitude.
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